He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
