You can't motorboat a personality
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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