as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
