Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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