Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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