The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Are we still banned from the library?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
