if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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