Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
