According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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