Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
