he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
