I wish I could teleport
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am available for nakedness
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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