Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
