did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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