Do you still have your period?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
