Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
