Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
