i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
