Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
