The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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