I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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