I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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