areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
