omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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