Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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