Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
