I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
