If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
