He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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