You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
