fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
