My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
4 words: hood of his car
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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