Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Boobs speak an international language.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
