dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
