i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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