I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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