I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
