please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We left the knife in your bed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Still dying that you shit outside
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
