How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So vagazzling was a success
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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