I'm so fucking centered right now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
