I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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