I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
