Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
