You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
