and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
