omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
