the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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