i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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