Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
