new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
