so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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