I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I smell stomach acid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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