I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
