Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
