you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
