dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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