It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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