Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
