why didn't you poke me back
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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