And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dick very happy bro
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
