I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
