come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
