Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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