I didn't shave. On purpose
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
