did you get engaged???
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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