I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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