u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
