dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
