I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
