Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
