so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize