She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
