i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
