this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
