im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
