If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize