That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
