You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
