and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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