Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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