Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
