Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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