Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
