Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
