I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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