I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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