Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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