so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
