I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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