I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
