i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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