if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
