Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
