Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My vagina just recognized that song.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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