I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize