And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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