why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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