it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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