Will you blow on my dice?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
